A liberating moment!

After that awful incident with The Ex.. it made me super angry for his bad childish attitude. i have even spoken to my lawyer and wanted to issue a legal warning letter , i felt really scared if my son was sick and he refused to see it as anything "serious" until it really happened! Self vs son attitude might endanger my son's life! anyway.. the discussion with her was good, she urged me to not sour relations with The Ex first until my son is much older and can communicate exactly what he wants. she is right.

Anyway that night, The Ex wanted to skype my son but internet was down.. and he BB me to ask when he can talk.. i refuse to answer ( if he can be childish, so can I) until really late . i told him i would be ready to communicate if he can behave like a mature adult. He started saying that i should "APPRECIATE" that fact that he allowed my son to go to the DOCTOR within his time with the son!!! can you bloody believe that statement!!?? What kind of father is this?? how can someone be that selfish that he puts his own desires before his son's health and well being?? What kind of monster is this really??!! i swear if i put this out for the public to vote..anyone with a sane mind would be totally shocked! that got me really angry and i said to him what kind of father are you etc and how i would go to the courts on this. He laughed and said lets go..and see who will win! i answered.. "yes.. i m sure the courts would think very highly of someone with a yearly contract job as ' Stable' ! of course i knew that would trigger him off.. which was exactly what happened..below is an excerpt of what transpired btw 2 of us, content is completely true and original

Me: I wld bring him to the courts to prove that he is incompetent as a father .

The Ex: said oh sure go ahead.. like you will win! Hahaha!

Me: dun forget I have a family of lawyers and please you think you will win based on your unstable one year contract of work.

The Ex: See what? Another threat? You are becoming very good at accusing and threatening.. I am impressed
Me: I state facts..
Me: Not irrational behaviour which u r brought up w

Me: I can so easily prove that the doc ask for my son to come down on sat..and of course u refused..
The Ex: Excuse me? What are you accusing me of now? Not having a solid economy/future? I think I carried you along for a few years just fine princess.. Any complaints?
The Ex: You are sick.. Absolutely gone mad in your mind
Me: Hahhha..u mean my years of suffering?? Pls!! U still can't even afford to pay me alimony!!
Me: Dun forget ..u told me to work part time??
Me: After leaving our son and I ... ? Memory problems??
The Ex: I pay a very good maintenance for my son, do you have a problem with that? Cos I can stop sending that
Me U r responsible my ass
Me: Hahhaha!!! Sure..your paltry sum is definitely enough!!

The Ex: No worries, if you make so much that my money is just a paltry sum then I will stop sending
The Exl: Just let me know ms nouveau riche

The Ex: Or perhaps you already found another man who you can suck all the blood and spend away all the money irrationally???

Me: Dun forget.. Who is the one that can't even face my parents??
The Ex: Face your parents??? Your family of losers who will hide from my family and I when we come to SG??
Me: Ivan u watch your fucking mouth! Wat has your family DONE for my son?? Pray tell!!!!! Who is the loser here
Me: U think by sending $ and traveling here playing play dad role..is call a GOOD father???
Me: Shit.the rest of the world's fathers wld be so insulted!!!! Hahahahah!!!!
Me: Well at least I didn't cheat behind my marriage...
Me: And pls dun even try to deny this... Everyone knows...
Me: That's not the point..I dun really care..
The Ex: You will not make me feel guilty, I might not be the best father but I am much better than many others..and what kind of mother are you who lost your son's father?

Me: Ohhh!! Did I lose u as a father??? Well a cheating father is not one to keep right?? Ask your mum..
The Ex: Oh yes of course.. More accusations now.. Go on and on
The Ex:Although this one is a new one.. I am impressed!

Me: Good!

Me: Dun lay your guilt on me ivan...
The Ex:Now I am a cheater! Since when?
Me: Now..if u want to continue to threaten to stop sending $ ..can u pls email me something in writing..
Me: Oh goodness do we have to go thru this ?? U r wat u r ..ivan.. So just pls dun try to insult yourself here...
Me: Just plain silly.. And I m getting bored
The Ex: I don't need to threat anyone, you stop looking down on me and accusing me and threaten me!
Me: Better start appreciating the fact I m even lending u MY computer..using MY parents internet... To let him skype u...

The Ex: I never denied I am
Me: So be nice oki? However I need to let u know.. My parents won't be too happy abt the fact they r called losers...

The Ex: Anyway, are you gonna stick to the deal and allow me to talk to kyven on skype or not?
Me: Wat deal??? Anything I dunno abt??

Me: Shit..I must have missed something..
The Ex: It's a verbal deal, we always had it

The Ex: And the fact that you accuse me of not facing them?? Pls!

Me: Well..u didn't did u?? Sorry did I miss that too??
Me: Did u faced them?? Oops..when?
Me: Ivan.. Be respectful..and learn to be nice

Me: That will get u further in wat u want...
The Ex:They always travelled away when I came and you told me they were not ready
The Ex:I was so disappointed in them.. I never thought they would just leave me out like that
Me: Well..wow.. One trip they were away!! Didn't know emails not working..
The Ex:Don't do this, you always kept me away from them
Me: OMG!!!! That's a real first!!!! Who left who first??? Sorry??
The Ex: I am a respectful person and I would have done it if given the chance

( additional comments by me: i wonder what he means by giving him a chance when for the past 9 mths he has been making regular trips to SG and i guess he hasnt heard of the phone or emails as a communicative tool! Oh not forgetting the countless of times my son skype him infront of my parents.. hmmm guess he missed all those chances too huh??)
Me: Mate..u didn't even reply properly to their email..come on.stop this..so embarrasing for u...
The Ex: I even agreed to the house next to them for everyone's convenience.. Only to learn that I am not welcome when I am around

( additional comments by me: Again this is where his memory fails him.. my parents take care of my son so living next to them was my criteria .. also i wonder what kind of welcome he is expecting for a husband and father that dumps his family at her parents doorstep? a cheating husband & father that gives his family up? he still so thick skinned to expect people to "welcome" him..!! Ego!! )
Me: Well u still have your chance now..come meet them!
The Ex: I did reply by acknowledging.. At that time it was not the right moment for them to get involved
Me: Pls learn to take some at least SOME responsibility...
Me: Yes..guess 9 mths was not the right time.. Sure..
The Ex :Even when my mom brought the gifts for them.. She spent 3 days in SG and your parents never showed up
Me: Look..save it! U know wat u have done..
The Ex :I am sorry
Me: Hahhaha!! Buying gifts??? Will quell my dad's anger at u???
Me: Pls.stop this blaming game..I m so not interested to continue
The Ex : Really? You think so? You are wrong you should know my mom better
The Ex : But of course you spent our whole marriage bitching about her so you wouldn't know
Me: I m not interested in wat your mum thinks...or knows..
Me: Yes..again.someone else's fault..
The Ex :They got along well.. But you stopped them from meeting her and this has caused pain

( this is just plain stoopid...he left his family and er.. who is causing who pain??)
Me: Ok..so..if u r interested to be nice n respectful again ..do let me know.
Me: I want to communicate in a proper way...

The Ex : I have always done it so far.. You just start accusing at the minimum chance and its not healthy
The Ex :But anyway, if they are ready to face me I will have no problems to meet them and thank them for looking after my boy
Me: U shld face them not the other way round...wait didn't I just say stop this ridiculous discussion??
The Ex :Ok up to you.. Just remember who told me to stay away cos your father was not ready
Me: ivan.. Again..if u cannot understand..I seriously just dun want to waste my time..
Me: U left me and our son in SG at my parents place..left me n my parents to pick up the pieces...so if u had a daughter..I m sure u wld be happy at how they were treated...
The Ex : Yes of course I am stupid now.. I cannot understand.. I am a useless professional who doesn't earn enough money.. And a cheater.. And not respectful..
Me: Anyway..aside fr this,
Me: its over n done...so let's not go there
The Ex :I am just shocked of how much you have turned things around and trying to blame everything on me and justify our break out by calling me a loser?!
Me: I want u to understand..next time if ever a doctor request for kyven to go and see him.. Pls do so.

Me: I didn't actually want to rush down all the way to bring kyven to doc..I actually ask till monday..

The Ex : Don't start giving me a lesson here.. I never disagreed
The Ex : I never thought you would ever do this and I don't understand it
The Ex : I just didn't wanna be told off like you always do.. Its very stressful and tiring
Me: U hung up on me and refuse to talk to me?? Er..is that not a disagreement?? Am I missing something here??
Me: If u had listen to me carefully...that's its doc instruction not mine..?!!
The Ex I said if you wanna take him go ahead but I will not go with you
The Ex : I even tried to convince our son so you wouldn't have to come up.. Ask the nanny
The Ex Well its the way you talk.. As I said its impossible to speak w you.. And that's why we always do on skype and bbm
The Ex:Better stick to that next time
Me: Ivan..all I m asking u..is if he is in bali..pls after 3 days of fever..no matter how well or flu like he is..he must see a doctor.
Me: If u dun want antibiotics just tell doc..cos I always do
The Ex :Anyway, very unpleasant to bbm with you as I never felt before.. Can we just let it go now.. I am tired
Me: Its a standard procedure.. After 3 days..he goes in.. They usually give stronger medicine..than the milder ones I buy @ pharmacy.
The Ex : Ok
Me: Thank u..
Me: Pls dun ever shake my confidence in u again..it was seriously scary.thank u
Me: Good nite!
The Ex: Bye

After this entire discussion.. i felt really good.. at first i started off very angry and even holding and typing my BB , my fingers were trembling so much.. however after a while i started to really be amuse at how ridiculous he really was! i started really enjoying the exchange! seriously i was smiling towards the end!

this must be therapy cos i felt so liberated after that!! it was like something heavy lifted off me!! i finally wore him down yet i stuck to my points till he agreed!

i cant really understand why he seems so shocked at my reaction to him.. saying i have turned etc.. but this got me thinking of how damn naive he is.. thinking that i will be friends with him and actually even feel grateful to him??!!! i HATE him to the core.. the deepest core.. he is the blemish on my life that i cant bloody erase!! i somehow thought that he would know , seeing that i have always told him i am never friends with my exes..they are exes for a reason! and even more so for him!!! i cant wait to tell him and burst his super huge ego that He is the Biggest Loser of all my relationships and i soooo REGRET even marrying him..YUCKS!! the only redeeming factor was he donated his sperm to create my dear son!

My maid told me.. that i look so much better now than when i was with him.. she said everytime i argued with The Ex.. i would get really emotional and angry but this time... i was smiling and even elated to tell her about it! for once i squashed him and triumphed over him! LIBERATING!!!

Rude Awakenings

It still bewildered me whenever i think of this incident. This situation that probably woke me up to what kind of person my ex is.


I was in Bali then. My ex left the us on Friday for the weekend on a bike ride with a friend from Spain, around the island a few hours in distance. unfortunately my 2 year old son started getting sick, having a consistently stubborn fever with no flu symptoms for 2 days, even up to 38.5 degrees, which is considered very high for a young child. on saturday morning, i was hit by a unusual bug , i could not even muster the energy to move around and felt very weak. Luckily i had a driver on saturday so i could go to the doctor ( 45 minutes away) . The doctor there put me on a drip and gave me some anti nauseous medicine.. and observe me for an hour. I received a call from my nanny saying that despite my son being given panadol, his fever is still persistently high. I felt abit better lying in the hospital, so i went back home again to pick up my son to head for the same hospital i just left. it was seriously tiring especially with me being so weak and my son being so sick.

i called my ex on Saturday night and told him what happened. I said can you please try to come back earlier on sunday morning or noon? imagine my utmost shock and it still sends chills down my spine thinking about it now, when he answered " but i have already booked the Dolphin tour in the morning." i did not even recall what i said to that.. i was already in shock. He was only 2-3 hours away from us.. and of course the fact that his then wife and son was really sick does not warrant him to try to come back earlier to help and support us?

Did he forget that the driver is not working on sunday and i had no one but myself to rely on for any emergencies? Did he even stop to think how weak i was already yet i had to pull myself together so that i can bring my son to the same clinic to register him and see the doctor? of course i can do it.. and i definitely will.. i refuse to believe that there are no fathers who would not think twice for that same request, cancel that dolphin tour , explain to any normal caring friend that his family comes first and rush back to see and help his sick wife and son. Ladies and gentlemen..drum roll pls.. this is the type of man i had married and had a son with. unimaginable!

there are several incidents, but hey lets save the truly memorable, mouth dropping types oki?

Another truly amazing incident, which till now also baffles me how even single men or men with no children can cringe at it.

We were both in the lawyer's office discussing the terms of the separation papers. He started saying how this entire document was full of his contributions. in terms of monetary, in terms of how many days he can take my son with him overseas and how many times he can visit etc.. he then looks at me in the eye and asks " what are your moral obligations since this legal document majority states mine?" for a while there..i seriously didnt know what he meant.. i looked in puzzlement at the lawyer and she explained that he is asking what my contributions are! before i could even answer.. She answered for me " a mother's job is never finished. it is a 24 x 7 responsibility. Your son is living with his mum and that is her moral obligation that can never be documented enough. You ( the ex) come accordingly to your own schedule, you act as a father only a few times a month. A full time mother does not have a schedule. This entire legal document is more for your own benefit than for her." my eyes started tearing , i always hated crying.. but i couldn't help it. How could a stranger understand me and my situation more than someone i had lived with for so many years? I was actually crying because i was so touched!

One would expect someone who had lived without a mother to probably say something as stupid as that. However this came from someone who had a mother that was abused by her husband, brought up her sons and mistakenly idolized her son too much to the extent that " he does no bad " mentality has caused him to be emotionally retarded.

till this day, when someone ask me what went wrong with my marriage. Every time i cite this example.. there were no explanations needed. They all cringe.

Incidents that make my heart ache

First incident:

Location: Bali

My son went to Bali with a slight running nose. The following day in Bali, he developed fever . I would not have mind if the ex has knowledge of how to handle my son's medicine. However he has no clue.I only found out my son was sick with fever after 2 days when i asked the ex. when i asked what his temperature was, it was vaguely communicated to be as 37 degrees and that he was already fine

As i was away in Singapore , i had informed my nanny in SG to call the nanny in Bali for an update and make sure for my son to take the correct medicine, but Ivan refused to transfer the call over and refused them communication. Stating he knows best what to do.

Due to the fact that my son was not given the correct medication , he was weak upon returning back to SG and was hit by another virus causing him to have high fever of 39 degrees for a week! it resulted in me bringing him for a blood test to confirm he had 2 viruses in him.

Resolution: After this i have communicated clearly that the ex has to inform me whenever my son is sick and to be brief on what medicine to take. On top of that i have also suggested for my Singapore nanny to follow my son back to Bali for just 1 trip to brief the nanny in Bali on his eating habits, medicines to take etc ( to avoid lost in translation situations) . Payment of flight for my Singapore nanny was to be billed to me

Difficulty: The ex refused communication between both nannies communicating directly for my son's health . The ex refused to allow Singapore nanny to travel to Bali to take care of my son . The ex did not communicate to either me or my Singapore nanny about my son's illness in Bali

2nd Incident: 31st Oct 2011

Location : Singapore

my son had fever started 27th Oct ( Thurs)and started exhibiting flu symptoms . However despite given over the counter panadol for children and medicine for cough and running nose, his temperature remained as low grade fever . On Saturday, I called my son's regular doctor in Raffles Hospital and asked if he needs to be seen on Saturday or that he can wait till Monday. As most clinics close half day Saturdays and full days on Sundays, his doctor requested me to bring him in. I immediately informed the ex ( who was in since Thurs morning fully aware that my son is sick) that my son needs to go to the doctor.

Difficulty: The ex disagreed with bringing my son to the doctor stating that it is only a low grade fever and has flu, even though he was fully aware that it was per doctor's instruction. Stated he did not want doctor to give antibiotics ( which could have been easily instructed by parent to doctor) . Hung up on me during mid discussion on why my son needs to go see a doctor . Stated that if i insist, i had to come over and get my son myself . ( i was staying outside of our apartment) . Refused to answer my calls after that.

Biggest regret of my life

I always lived by this motto " Not to live life with regrets" and i tried as hard as possible not to... but the one thing i thought i would not regret is my biggest regret ever.. and that is to marry the wrong person. Seriously, marrying the wrong person is HELL! and having a kid with the wrong person is doubly HELL! Dun get me wrong..i Love my kid, he is everything to me.. but for him to have such a father.. is just shameful on me! i blame myself for giving my adorable son such a selfish, egoistic father. I hope he will one day forgive me.

i want to document this because one day my son will ask me why his biological parents are not together.. and hopefully one day when he is older he will understand..
In hope , he will understand why i m strict with him, he will understand why it breaks my heart to go to work and leave him with his wonderful nanny and wonderful grandparents, he will understand that my heart hurts every time he says he wants his father and misses him. He will understand every time how frustrated and angry i get whenever his biological father puts his own needs before his own son and still think it is right. he will understand why i swallow my pride just so my son can still contact that selfish man. I just want my son to be happy and will do so no matter how difficult it is.


a mother's love knows no boundaries and that is for my son.