Rude Awakenings

It still bewildered me whenever i think of this incident. This situation that probably woke me up to what kind of person my ex is.


I was in Bali then. My ex left the us on Friday for the weekend on a bike ride with a friend from Spain, around the island a few hours in distance. unfortunately my 2 year old son started getting sick, having a consistently stubborn fever with no flu symptoms for 2 days, even up to 38.5 degrees, which is considered very high for a young child. on saturday morning, i was hit by a unusual bug , i could not even muster the energy to move around and felt very weak. Luckily i had a driver on saturday so i could go to the doctor ( 45 minutes away) . The doctor there put me on a drip and gave me some anti nauseous medicine.. and observe me for an hour. I received a call from my nanny saying that despite my son being given panadol, his fever is still persistently high. I felt abit better lying in the hospital, so i went back home again to pick up my son to head for the same hospital i just left. it was seriously tiring especially with me being so weak and my son being so sick.

i called my ex on Saturday night and told him what happened. I said can you please try to come back earlier on sunday morning or noon? imagine my utmost shock and it still sends chills down my spine thinking about it now, when he answered " but i have already booked the Dolphin tour in the morning." i did not even recall what i said to that.. i was already in shock. He was only 2-3 hours away from us.. and of course the fact that his then wife and son was really sick does not warrant him to try to come back earlier to help and support us?

Did he forget that the driver is not working on sunday and i had no one but myself to rely on for any emergencies? Did he even stop to think how weak i was already yet i had to pull myself together so that i can bring my son to the same clinic to register him and see the doctor? of course i can do it.. and i definitely will.. i refuse to believe that there are no fathers who would not think twice for that same request, cancel that dolphin tour , explain to any normal caring friend that his family comes first and rush back to see and help his sick wife and son. Ladies and gentlemen..drum roll pls.. this is the type of man i had married and had a son with. unimaginable!

there are several incidents, but hey lets save the truly memorable, mouth dropping types oki?

Another truly amazing incident, which till now also baffles me how even single men or men with no children can cringe at it.

We were both in the lawyer's office discussing the terms of the separation papers. He started saying how this entire document was full of his contributions. in terms of monetary, in terms of how many days he can take my son with him overseas and how many times he can visit etc.. he then looks at me in the eye and asks " what are your moral obligations since this legal document majority states mine?" for a while there..i seriously didnt know what he meant.. i looked in puzzlement at the lawyer and she explained that he is asking what my contributions are! before i could even answer.. She answered for me " a mother's job is never finished. it is a 24 x 7 responsibility. Your son is living with his mum and that is her moral obligation that can never be documented enough. You ( the ex) come accordingly to your own schedule, you act as a father only a few times a month. A full time mother does not have a schedule. This entire legal document is more for your own benefit than for her." my eyes started tearing , i always hated crying.. but i couldn't help it. How could a stranger understand me and my situation more than someone i had lived with for so many years? I was actually crying because i was so touched!

One would expect someone who had lived without a mother to probably say something as stupid as that. However this came from someone who had a mother that was abused by her husband, brought up her sons and mistakenly idolized her son too much to the extent that " he does no bad " mentality has caused him to be emotionally retarded.

till this day, when someone ask me what went wrong with my marriage. Every time i cite this example.. there were no explanations needed. They all cringe.