Rude Awakenings

It still bewildered me whenever i think of this incident. This situation that probably woke me up to what kind of person my ex is.


I was in Bali then. My ex left the us on Friday for the weekend on a bike ride with a friend from Spain, around the island a few hours in distance. unfortunately my 2 year old son started getting sick, having a consistently stubborn fever with no flu symptoms for 2 days, even up to 38.5 degrees, which is considered very high for a young child. on saturday morning, i was hit by a unusual bug , i could not even muster the energy to move around and felt very weak. Luckily i had a driver on saturday so i could go to the doctor ( 45 minutes away) . The doctor there put me on a drip and gave me some anti nauseous medicine.. and observe me for an hour. I received a call from my nanny saying that despite my son being given panadol, his fever is still persistently high. I felt abit better lying in the hospital, so i went back home again to pick up my son to head for the same hospital i just left. it was seriously tiring especially with me being so weak and my son being so sick.

i called my ex on Saturday night and told him what happened. I said can you please try to come back earlier on sunday morning or noon? imagine my utmost shock and it still sends chills down my spine thinking about it now, when he answered " but i have already booked the Dolphin tour in the morning." i did not even recall what i said to that.. i was already in shock. He was only 2-3 hours away from us.. and of course the fact that his then wife and son was really sick does not warrant him to try to come back earlier to help and support us?

Did he forget that the driver is not working on sunday and i had no one but myself to rely on for any emergencies? Did he even stop to think how weak i was already yet i had to pull myself together so that i can bring my son to the same clinic to register him and see the doctor? of course i can do it.. and i definitely will.. i refuse to believe that there are no fathers who would not think twice for that same request, cancel that dolphin tour , explain to any normal caring friend that his family comes first and rush back to see and help his sick wife and son. Ladies and gentlemen..drum roll pls.. this is the type of man i had married and had a son with. unimaginable!

there are several incidents, but hey lets save the truly memorable, mouth dropping types oki?

Another truly amazing incident, which till now also baffles me how even single men or men with no children can cringe at it.

We were both in the lawyer's office discussing the terms of the separation papers. He started saying how this entire document was full of his contributions. in terms of monetary, in terms of how many days he can take my son with him overseas and how many times he can visit etc.. he then looks at me in the eye and asks " what are your moral obligations since this legal document majority states mine?" for a while there..i seriously didnt know what he meant.. i looked in puzzlement at the lawyer and she explained that he is asking what my contributions are! before i could even answer.. She answered for me " a mother's job is never finished. it is a 24 x 7 responsibility. Your son is living with his mum and that is her moral obligation that can never be documented enough. You ( the ex) come accordingly to your own schedule, you act as a father only a few times a month. A full time mother does not have a schedule. This entire legal document is more for your own benefit than for her." my eyes started tearing , i always hated crying.. but i couldn't help it. How could a stranger understand me and my situation more than someone i had lived with for so many years? I was actually crying because i was so touched!

One would expect someone who had lived without a mother to probably say something as stupid as that. However this came from someone who had a mother that was abused by her husband, brought up her sons and mistakenly idolized her son too much to the extent that " he does no bad " mentality has caused him to be emotionally retarded.

till this day, when someone ask me what went wrong with my marriage. Every time i cite this example.. there were no explanations needed. They all cringe.

Incidents that make my heart ache

First incident:

Location: Bali

My son went to Bali with a slight running nose. The following day in Bali, he developed fever . I would not have mind if the ex has knowledge of how to handle my son's medicine. However he has no clue.I only found out my son was sick with fever after 2 days when i asked the ex. when i asked what his temperature was, it was vaguely communicated to be as 37 degrees and that he was already fine

As i was away in Singapore , i had informed my nanny in SG to call the nanny in Bali for an update and make sure for my son to take the correct medicine, but Ivan refused to transfer the call over and refused them communication. Stating he knows best what to do.

Due to the fact that my son was not given the correct medication , he was weak upon returning back to SG and was hit by another virus causing him to have high fever of 39 degrees for a week! it resulted in me bringing him for a blood test to confirm he had 2 viruses in him.

Resolution: After this i have communicated clearly that the ex has to inform me whenever my son is sick and to be brief on what medicine to take. On top of that i have also suggested for my Singapore nanny to follow my son back to Bali for just 1 trip to brief the nanny in Bali on his eating habits, medicines to take etc ( to avoid lost in translation situations) . Payment of flight for my Singapore nanny was to be billed to me

Difficulty: The ex refused communication between both nannies communicating directly for my son's health . The ex refused to allow Singapore nanny to travel to Bali to take care of my son . The ex did not communicate to either me or my Singapore nanny about my son's illness in Bali

2nd Incident: 31st Oct 2011

Location : Singapore

my son had fever started 27th Oct ( Thurs)and started exhibiting flu symptoms . However despite given over the counter panadol for children and medicine for cough and running nose, his temperature remained as low grade fever . On Saturday, I called my son's regular doctor in Raffles Hospital and asked if he needs to be seen on Saturday or that he can wait till Monday. As most clinics close half day Saturdays and full days on Sundays, his doctor requested me to bring him in. I immediately informed the ex ( who was in since Thurs morning fully aware that my son is sick) that my son needs to go to the doctor.

Difficulty: The ex disagreed with bringing my son to the doctor stating that it is only a low grade fever and has flu, even though he was fully aware that it was per doctor's instruction. Stated he did not want doctor to give antibiotics ( which could have been easily instructed by parent to doctor) . Hung up on me during mid discussion on why my son needs to go see a doctor . Stated that if i insist, i had to come over and get my son myself . ( i was staying outside of our apartment) . Refused to answer my calls after that.

Biggest regret of my life

I always lived by this motto " Not to live life with regrets" and i tried as hard as possible not to... but the one thing i thought i would not regret is my biggest regret ever.. and that is to marry the wrong person. Seriously, marrying the wrong person is HELL! and having a kid with the wrong person is doubly HELL! Dun get me wrong..i Love my kid, he is everything to me.. but for him to have such a father.. is just shameful on me! i blame myself for giving my adorable son such a selfish, egoistic father. I hope he will one day forgive me.

i want to document this because one day my son will ask me why his biological parents are not together.. and hopefully one day when he is older he will understand..
In hope , he will understand why i m strict with him, he will understand why it breaks my heart to go to work and leave him with his wonderful nanny and wonderful grandparents, he will understand that my heart hurts every time he says he wants his father and misses him. He will understand every time how frustrated and angry i get whenever his biological father puts his own needs before his own son and still think it is right. he will understand why i swallow my pride just so my son can still contact that selfish man. I just want my son to be happy and will do so no matter how difficult it is.


a mother's love knows no boundaries and that is for my son.